Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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