I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
