yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
