her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
