The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
