do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
