You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
