I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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