we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
