Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
