pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
