i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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