It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
