Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(903): View more from Texas

And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either

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(937): View more from Ohio

i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered

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(815): View more from Illinois

She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.

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(310): View more from California

I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.

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(514): View more from Quebec

its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky

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(619): View more from California

It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.

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(563): View more from Iowa

You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.

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(475): View more from Connecticut

his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss

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