How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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