I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
