Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
