i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
