If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
