When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My ass is underappreciated
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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