The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Use "feeling words"
Yay
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
