she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's no shave November. This is our time.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
