That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Mom said you looked used
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
