Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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