Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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