I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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