It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
