Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
