I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
