Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Can I color on your dick again?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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