he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
