I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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