i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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