I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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