I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
