Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
