Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
