How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
