i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
