SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
