you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
