I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
