3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
