I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
