Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
