Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
