you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
