First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
