I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
