I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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