If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
